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In your relationship, are you inert, vegetative, animal, or speaking?

Translation by Yehoshua Siskin

According to the Kabbalah, everything in the universe belongs to one of four categories: domeim (inanimate or inert), tzomei'ach (growing or vegetative); chai (living or animal), medabeir (speaking or human).

During a Mitchadshot workshop, Rabbi Michi Yosefi applied these four categories to relationships between married partners.

Domeim: From the outside, everything looks okay. There are no arguments or shouting, but there is no animating energy. Everything is inert. No one talks about what bothers them, no one shares, each person is very isolated. This is the lowest level of development.

Tzomei'ach: No longer inanimate, there is some emotional expression, but it's not understood. For example: One of the partners leaves the room and slams the door. It's like a baby that cries. No explanation is given, and therefore the other partner needs to ask, "What is bothering you? What are you angry about?" There is no longer complete silence but the relationship is still not healthy, just exhausting and childish.

Chai: There is verbal communication but no expression of what is truly desired or needed, only complaint and accusation. This is a higher level of relationship than domeim or tzomeiach, but it is far from adequate. For example, one of the partners may ask: "Why didn't you buy me a birthday present?" Every communication can be highly emotional, intending to evoke feelings of guilt.

Medabeir: This is the proper way of being in a relationship. I share, talk about what I feel, speak sincerely with my partner about the good and the bad, what is going well and not so well. Even if my partner is not on the same level of openness and sincerity, even if they are stuck at a lower level, I am acting at the correct frequency, in the hope that they will become a speaker as well.

Rabbi Michi Yosefi said that the challenge, first of all, is to identify the level at which I find myself, and then try to reach a higher level of relationship together with my partner.

Wishing everyone success in this endeavor.


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