Being single

Translation by Yehoshua Siskin

Today, on the 15th of Av, it is customary to write about the large number of couples who get married at this time of year, but perhaps it is actually more important to write about singles, those who are unmarried. As it was originally celebrated in ancient Israel, today’s holiday will forever be associated with those searching for a lifetime partner. So here are a few words from Rav Yoni Lavi concerning an insufficiently publicized sector: single men or bachelors.

“To be a bachelor is to see your friend married with three kids, to see your little sister pregnant, to hear your neighbors celebrating the engagement of their son — and to still believe that HaShem did not forget you and that one day your turn will come.

To be a bachelor is to understand that the extended period of your search is not a burdensome matter that you would rather do without. This period is a kind of ‘pregnancy’ that is meant to give birth to strengths and capabilities that will serve you well throughout your life.

To be a bachelor is to believe that there are no superfluous dates. Every encounter that God arranges for us holds an important lesson in life.

To be a bachelor is to end an unsuccessful date and to think: okay, in any case, for whom would she be a suitable match?

To be a bachelor is to refuse to go out with someone who does not seem suitable to you even when they are pressuring you with ‘what do you care? so you lose one evening, it’s not a big deal.’ God created you with a sensitive heart and you are forbidden to play games with it. To open up and to reveal yourself just to be disappointed again and again leaves the heart weary and scarred.

To be a bachelor is to know that external appearance is important and it is legitimate to search for someone whose looks are appealing to you. At the same time you need to remember that in a world immersed in Hollywood culture, excessive makeup, and photoshop, our vision is impaired and the perfect models that we seek exist more in movies than in real life.

To be a bachelor is to repeat over and over to yourself and to sometimes remind those who forgot: I may be a bachelor, but more importantly I am a human being. I am a son and a brother, a friend and a colleague at work. I am talented and creative. I have pursuits and hobbies outside of work and a spiritual world. I am not ‘half a man’ but a whole person. This morning, when God gave me another day, He knew exactly what he was doing.

Happy 15th of Av.”

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סיון רהב-מאיר

Sivan Rahav-Meir is a media personality and lecturer. Married to Yedidya, the mother of five. Lives in Jerusalem. She works for Israel TV news, writes a column for Yediot Aharonot newspaper, and hosts a weekly radio show on Galei Zahal (Army Radio). Her lectures on the weekly Torah portion are attended by hundreds and the live broadcast attracts thousands more listeners throughout the world.
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